What does God have to do with it?
As for God, His way is perfect: The Lord's word is flawless; He shields all who take refuge in Him.
(Psalm 18:30) NIV
What does God have to do with it? This is a question I have heard thrown around a lot lately in the wake of the controversy surrounding the Roe v. Wade reversal. I am aware of the dangerous ground I tread on today by addressing such a divided matter, and I want to be clear that I'm not here to judge or shame anyone. I also won't ever pretend to understand someone else's story. So today, I only write to share an incredibly personal part of mine with you that I've never shared publicly before. There are parts I'm not proud of, but it's a testimony filled with truth and the hope of Jesus, and I hope and pray it will help someone else along the way.
When I was 23 years old, I met a man while out with friends at a bar one night, and we quickly began dating. Two weeks into our relationship, we had intercourse for the very first time, and I became pregnant with his child. This news felt catastrophic considering the state my life was in. I was a party girl struggling to make ends meet as a cocktail waitress and lived in a house I shared with three other roommates. I was crushed and will never forget how my hands shook as I tried to steady the two pink lines I gripped intently to be sure I wasn't seeing double. I wasn't. I was pregnant. I felt a wave of nausea followed by a rush of sweat, and the next several days were a blur of emotional chaos and tears. In no way was I ready for a child, and to state the obvious- I barely even knew the man who had gotten me pregnant.
Though scared out of my mind, I planned to keep the baby. I could tell that the guy was just as panicked as I was, and I feared he would leave me alone with a child I didn't have the means or capabilities to care for. However, he told his parents, and instead of judgment from them, I received something that, at the time, I thought was worse- an invitation to church. In the past, I had been hurt by the church, and because of this, I had no plans to ever step foot inside of one again. But my fear of caring for this child alone motivated me not to dodge the invite. I wanted his family to like me, and I felt desperate to make things work with him. All week long, I dreaded the Sunday that would inevitably come. I remember the brown and white polka dot dress that I nervously selected from my closet that morning in an attempt to look much more polished and put together than I truly was. Sunday came, and I was an utter wreck inside. If I had been judged by the church before, I couldn't imagine how I would feel there now. Even so, I pulled myself together just enough and cautiously stepped into a massive worship service filled to the brim with Christians. To my surprise, God didn't command the walls to crumble down upon me, and the people there treated me with kindness. I even decided to go back again, but I would miscarry this baby before I did. God did not allow this pregnancy to continue but oh, how mightily He would use it to catapult my heart toward His. Fifteen years later, I'm still an active member of that very same church. I am currently writing the upcoming churchwide bible study curriculum, I’m a member of the Sunday morning prayer team, and a couple of years after showing up for my first Sunday there, I married that man who I worried wouldn't stick it out with me. Three months after our wedding, I was pregnant once again, and this time our reaction was very different. We were thrilled! At the time, I wasn't offered prenatal genetics testing through my OBGYN's office, but if I had been, I would have learned that the child I was carrying had a very rare and serious chromosome abnormality called 21Q Deletion Syndrome, and knowing what I know about his condition now, I'm confident this news would have been delivered alongside a conversation about aborting him.
Today, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends that "all women should be offered the option of aneuploidy screening or diagnostic testing for fetal genetic disorders regardless of maternal age." And U.S. studies show that 60-90 percent of women whose tests detect Downs Syndrome or other genetic abnormalities will choose to terminate their pregnancy. My heart sank as I read those statistics and tried to digest what they meant. How could anyone believe that an imperfect genetic makeup means a child's life isn't worth living? And who are we to be selective in who lives and dies based on a chromosome or an imperfection? Bittersweet moments of my son's life flashed through my mind like a movie reel, and I marveled at the honored position God crowned me with by making me the mother of such a miracle. What a precious gift He entrusted to me. This miracle of mine is almost 12 years old now, and he is treasured in every way. He often tells me that he loves his life, and I often tell him that he is one of the best things that ever happened to mine. My son didn't need a perfect genetic makeup for God to form him exactly the way He wanted him, and I feel incredibly sad for those who cannot see that. And though I believe there is hope, healing, and forgiveness for women who have chosen abortion, my heart aches for the mothers who relinquished their crowns and left their precious gifts unopened.
To those who don't see life through a biblical lens, trusting God with an unwanted pregnancy seems illogical and absurd, but to those who understand His perfect love and authority- trusting Him with it is the only thing that makes any sense at all.
Today I have the joy of looking back to see how God used two “imperfect’ conceptions to change the trajectory and course of my life entirely. These situations weren't ideal from a worldly view, but they were part of God's plan. I have learned that God's plan often isn't something my human mind makes sense of easily. I may never understand why He allows painful tragedies to take place, and I'm not naive in understanding that some pregnancy stories are more horrific than most could fathom, but I do believe that God is who He says He is- the one who spoke the earth into existence and created all within it. I believe He is the only one with the authority to say when we begin and end. I believe that God is just that- He is GOD. He doesn't make mistakes, and He is perfect in all His ways-even when that's incredibly hard for us to understand.
God never promised us life would be easy, and some moments will feel earth-shattering. But there has never been a moment that He will make us walk alone. These moments are what faith is all about! I don't believe God ever placed the burden of choice upon a woman's shoulders because I believe the moment she conceived, He had already chosen for her.
So, what does God have to do with it, you ask?
. . . The way I see it, everything.
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart. (Jeremiah 1:5)